thoughts overwhelming! BBAQ 2005!!!!!

woke up veri ealry tis mornin ... my mind was fill wit tots ... so much tt i jus wanna go to somewhere peaceful n realli tink abt wad i'm realli feeling ... life is realli like shit sometimes u realli wanna get sth but u jus couldnt getit but instead u got sth tt u don wan or even worse nothing ... i found this so especially in relationships ... wad a waste of time ... haiz have not been into realtionships for a year plus ... but sumehow ... haiz nvm ... so sick of it le ... now i understand the meanin off rejected n alone ...

I will not make
The same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid

Because of you
Because of you

haiz this song best represent wad am i feeling now ...
anyway ... a guy shouldnt get too emotional .. i don care ... hopeless le ... hmmm ... went to airport ... went to viewing gallery ... see aeroplanes ... how i wish all my troubles can jus fly away ... n breakaway ...

todae .. reuben fly off to cambodia ... for 3 years of full time work .... i guess going for a 2 weeks trip there which i went was much different from gg full time ... at least for the 2 week u'll expect returnin home soon ... for full time u'll be there alone with the ppl ... no sense of security as u are alone in a foreign land makin decision yourself ... wad about yr frens n relatives?? yr future after u comin back? the Lord will provide .. but u muz at least finish yr studies rite?

actually i've been thinkin whether to go full time in cambodia ... but my frens? my family? yes true i leave de burden behind but ... ah shit la ... i should jus finish my studies first then don think too much lor ... but realli thank God tt after my Dec YEP(Youth Expedition Project) in cambodia tt i habe been thrown another chance to go back to cambodia ... this time woth church ... my first even mission trip ... this trip is to decide a place where they gg to build a drugs rehab centrre for the locals in Phonm Pehn ... situation there is really bad ... i rmb last year we had a few daes stay at PP den along the rows of resturants most shopd sells HAPPY PIZZAS ... its actually doped pizza n ppl still muz ... though its more for tourist as the price don allow the locals to afford one but still findin such things openly in cambodia?? its pretty sad la ...

den i rmb one dae my frens n i was like decidin on wad to eat outside the shops den we sw alot of beggars ... its not tt we don wanna give them $ jus tt ahead of them u'll see their boss in front n if we give them $ the boss will collect n give the $ n leave abit for them ... hix ... den one of the child came to me n grab on my thigh refuse to let me go ... cryin out papa .. askin for $ ... wad could i do to help him ... if i were to give him all of his frens will come towards us askin for $ ... haiz ...

anw i eel tt we should administer to CAMBODIA .. y ? becos they're ... poor n WOUNDED ... by the genocide tt happen few years back ... ppl killing each other .. imagine yr whole family bein wiped out becos they feel u're a traitor n educated ... forcin u to kill ur frens n family if not they gg to kill u ... imagine ... even tho its over ... ppl still face psycho prob ... no one they can tok or turn to ... anw veri sad la ... my fren a pastor dere told us of his true account of his family bein wiped out .. veri sad ...


anw! tonight BBAQ >>
The following activities will be covered:
· Topography, including urban navigation
· Hiking / running
· Kayaking
· Rappelling
· Rockwall climbing
· Mountain biking
· Archery
· Team biathlon
· Obstacle courses(SOC!!!!!Standard obstacle cos tt NS man go thru)
· Mystery tests


will be starting in the early wee hrs tml ... 4.30am start .. till 4pm! to cover 75km!! pray tt the Lord will pull us thru n help us complete the race without any casulty ... anyway i've got a sprain on my left foot hop r tt i'll get better n not worsen ...

to all who wanna support us at the ending point listen up!

ending point: JUNTION 8
will be there latest:4pm
ceremony proper: 5pm!
date:2nd april

do support us there /... we realli hoped to be recieved by u guys ... :P
pray tt tis year will be a success!!