i am currently feeling very very low right now. i have never been so sad. todae the results for the President award was released. i didnt get the award. when my captain sms me to break the news to me. i was really sad, deep down in my heart i was so so sad. all these years i have been doing so much in bb making so much scarifices, forgoing to do things tt i realli liked. like in sec sch i would choose not to go out with frens just to go for every single parade from afternoon to evening. my efforts was put thru when i was appointed the csm. after sec 5 i felt tt my interest for bb have died down. things were not the same anymore than compared to the times i was still a boy. now the things tt i do is purely out of a volunteerary heart. after sec sch the sacrficies was even bigger. things like not keepin long hair, dying of hair things tt i want to do but i choose not to do becos of the image i have to portray to my younger boys. i rmbed after my o lvl i chose not to work just to go cambodia, help out in my sec sch bb, help out in de swimathon planning. come to tink of it if i were to do things tt i enjoyed more with the time i might have just got off better. not having to scarifice so much.


like the only reason i was in sp n 19th primers was becos i wanted to get this award, a regonition for my life in bb. 1.5years of primers life. when i could have already gone to officer. but tt's not the point. i mean i have a lready left sec sch and bb could have just be out of my life but i chose to continue and i chose to be a primers to get this award. but ... i dunno ... i am realli disappointed. since school started i have been busyin plannin n doin stuffs for poc, spending sleepless nights just to plan the prog, after we confirmed de prog, there was a change of plans, so we had to replan whic took us alot of time, this went on for months. i kinda grew tired of it. i mean u plan n confirm sth n sth crops up and ppl expect u to change within a week or even daes, forcing u to neglect your studies. i mean i am already tired of having lessons till 6pm almost every other day. im a human and i get tired too lor. i am not a robot. whats worse is tt after the event someone tells u tt the prog for poc have failed the camp n tt was a total disappointment. all those scarifices. ZERO VALUE IN YOUR EYES? and catherine even try to console me by sayin maybe tt dae of interview i was tired. WHY WAS I TIRED? BECOS I HAD TO RUN de camp. so can i put the responsibilty on not getting the award on u? no right. i could have just forget wad u said the other dae in fornt of everyone but now after receiving the results i just couldnt bring myself to keep thinking of wad u sae. WOW THAT BUILD ME SO SO MUCH! THANKS.


i dunno
i dunno wad am i feeling?
wanna cry?
sad?
@#!@$@#$^&%!@#$@


all these scarifices

so where should i proceed now? stop wad ever im doin?

i am feeling so low. didnt even went for trng.

my life in bb for 6.5years. 2375 daes in bb. just for this day. all the scarifices. wad can i sae?